Pain Is Better Than Nothing, Right?

PAIN IS NOT BETTER THAN NOTHING! Let me tell you. I feel like my arm is going to fall off. It is NOT pleasant. I don't know what's wrong with my should/shoulder blade, but it hurts. I have been in pain before, I mean, I was an accident prone child, but I have never been in this type of pain. It's like a dull, throbbing, constant, make me want to throw up pain. It's fun. Really, it is. It's really, really fun when I have to work too. Man, hauling those groceries around and dealing with annoying people just makes it all better. (I hope you can catch my sarcasm...) I took two extra strength Tylenol this morning, four Ibuprofen at two, two extra strength Exedrin at three, and another Excedrin at about four. I am NOT a pill popper. Usually.

Anyways. To the real news of the day. I have decided to enter a poetry contest. It's called: Poetic Voices. I'm pretty effing excited. I think I have a good chance at winning. And this is not MY conceited-ness, it's my friend's and family's. They all tell me that I'm really good, sometimes I don't believe them. But I'm now going to prove it to myself that I'm good or not good. : ) I'm excited.

I have a lot to do. LIST:
1) Four page research paper for English
2) BIG Chem project
3) BIG Spanish project
4) Catch up on Algebra...not good to fail a college credit class, Leanna.
5) Manage Newspaper stress. Woo!
6) Find time to go to work and to eat, sleep, and shower.

My week shall be exciting. Thanks for reading my complaints of the day.

I need to catch up on quotes. Here's a few:

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
- Leon J. Suenes

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. - Matthew 7:7-8

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It's too high!
Come to the edge!
And they came,
and he pushed,
and they flew.
- Christopher Logue

If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. - Barack Obama

Never Realized

I never realized how bad I'm doing in school and life. Ha. Seriously, though. I need to straighten up in school. And I just need different types of people to be around. Bad influences are not good, as they have told me for the past 12 years of school...

I never realized how emotional I am. I'm NOT bi-polar by any means, but if somebody says something or does something, doesn't matter what, it can change my mood in .00002 seconds.

I never realized how much I like to blog until recently. If I could, I would TOTALLY make it a career. But I'm sure that I can't and I would much rather be a High School English teacher. Wooo.

I never realized how organized I am. I mean, you couldn't tell that I am if you walked into my room at this moment, but with everything else I'm completely organized.

I never realized how much writing helps. Do I need to say anything about that?

I never realized just how much inspiration Jason Mraz puts into his songs until recently.

I never realized...

Nothing to Fear, But Fear Itself

I fear that I will fail.
I fear that I will be alone.
I fear that I will lose the people I care about most.
I just fear.

Fear is the thing that drives us to do better. We can either be held back by fear or we can be pushed forward by it. Fear is a force that shouldn't be played with. It is dangerous and uncaring. We, as humans, thrive off of fear. We need it to survive. There is no such thing as "fearless." I nkow that I have many fears. I can be very paranoid. But I wouldn't be who I am without them and I don't let them run my life. Ad without fear there is no success or dive or need or want or epic failures. Without fear there is nothing.

The Running Emotions

Once again, I'm sorry for not writing in a long time. Time has been scarce lately. It has gone by so fast, I feel like I'm losing part of my life. Anyways, on to my blog.

Lately, my stomach has been filled with butterflies and it has been doing gymnastics. Of course it's only when I see a certain boy or talk to another certain boy. It's rather annoying. I don't want to feel like I'm going to hurl every time I see a boy that I have feelings for or every time I just talk to a boy (over the phone) that I have feelings for. It is not fun.

Another thing is that I am the champion of bottling up emotions and tucking them away in a corner of my mind until one day I just blow a gasket. If somebody makes me mad, I don't tell them. If somebody upsets me, I try to not show it. Lately it has been getting harder for some reason. It's getting harder to shove my emotions aside and be a statuesque Leanna. It isn't easy at all. The only thing that is keeping me from going completely insane is Jason Mraz and writing. Honest to God. No joke. Maybe it isn't only Jason Mraz, but good music in general. But he is still the number one best artist on my list.

Stress is also ranked high on my list of emotions to eventually deal with. I haven't officially dealt with having a job, having hard classes in school, looking at colleges, preparing for the ACT, and having time for family and friends. I'm not good at multitasking. It brings out the worst in me.

But no matter what, I'll live because tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a new me. Tomorrow is the start of the rest of my life. So I don't have time to sit back and stress over the little things.

-Leanna

Long time, no blogging.

I'm terribly sorry that I haven't blogged in a long time. I've been doing a lot of surveying of the soul. I would like to make this a cheery blog, but I have had a bad day. So this is my non-cheeriness.

Sometimes, I feel like nothing because I see people that have everything. I wake up, and I believe in myself and then I take a step onto the front porch of reality and it all hits me: I'm not perfect. I feel unwanted and not needed. Sometimes I feel like I'm worthless. But then I realize that there are others like me, there are other people that feel the same way. Those others are typically known as human. I like to express my feelings, whatever they are. Whether or not that makes me a good person is not the point, the point is that I am not perfect. I have bag under my eyes from sleepless nights of trying too hard. I have nails down to the because they're chewed on when nervousness strikes. I have scars from my physical and mental accidents. But then again, I have a mind that helps me write. I have a mouth that speaks the truth. I have fingertips that type out what is actually happening. I have dreams of being better and helping people. I have hope for the future. I have a heart that never stop caring. And I have a hand that never stops giving. Sometimes, I wonder about my future, your future, and their future. Sometimes, I just sit and stare at my future and wonder if I can really meet so many expectations. Sometimes, I sit and dream about what my life will be like and what I want my life to mean. Sometimes, I just sit and dream. This is what you never truly know, so do you really know me now? Am I worth knowing? No matter what goes on in my life or yours, remember that I am only human.

Yours Truly.

Never

I've never been in love or had that particular feeling for anybody really. Yes, I've had my share of broken promises and heartaches, but I've never felt the real deal. It's true that I am only seventeen, but who's to say that I can't fall? I've come close to it before, but I learned quickly who that person truly was. I'll never let myself get that close to hurt like that again. I'm not saying that I haven't cared for a boy or a few boys, because I have. But I haven't had that gut-wrenching, butterfly effect yet. I can imagine how it would be. I think that love is different to every person, but it's still love.
There are different forms of love, of course. I love my family and friends and I am incredibly close with them. I love them possibly more than life itself. It's hard to explain how you can feel that way about so many people. Love is in all forms. There is the kind of love that requires no work, it comes naturally. Then there is that kind of love that you hate to feel because you're falling head over heels, at least that's how I picture it. I'm not sure if I would want to feel that...out of control.
The other form of love that I have grown to appreciate lately is that of God. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hear to shove religion down your throat and beat you over the head with a Bible, but I am here to share my experiences, my troubles, my fascinations, and my life. that is what I intended to do when I started all of this. And I know that this blog has shifted dramatically, but that's how I work. And God is a part of my life. He is a huge part of who I am, who I have become, and who I want to be. Maybe I should start out telling you how I came to this conclusion.
My grandma passed away about two years ago. It ripped my heart out. I hated people. I hated God. I wanted to know how he could do that to somebody so amazingly wonderful. You see, my grandma was one of the most important people in my life, my hero. She was the family glue, the rock. After she passed, I could have killed the doctors that condemned her to such pain. I really could have.
I never shared my pain with my family, I pulled away from them. I didn't want to be hugged and sympathized over. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to lock myself in my room and cry for weeks. But I couldn't. And I didn't. I faced life as it came at me. I looked my family and friends in the face and told them I was okay, even though I wasn't. By the way, I still hated God at this point. I didn't understand why it happened. A couple of months after she was taken from me and my family, I had a dream of her. (I've never told anybody this) I dreamt of her being happy and at peace. She wasn't in the pain she was in the weeks before she died. She was finally where she wanted and needed to be. After that I wanted and needed to go to church, to tell my youth pastor every thing. I didn't tell him, but I still went. I haven't intentionally missed a day since. I now understand that God didn't take my grandma away from us, but he brought one of his children home to Him. I miss my grandma every day and every second, but I know that she is somewhere that she can be happy for eternity. One day, I'll see her again. And I will make every moment count, because I didn't before.
As you see, love comes in all forms. Love is unconditional. Love is one of the purest things in this world. It is amazing.

I'm sorry that this post changed so much, I didn't intend for it to, it just happened..

Today's Quote:
“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.” - Stanley Lindquist

-Leanna

So, You Had A Bad Day

Bad days. They happen to the best of us. And they will always be there to remind us of the power they hold over all of our heads. They secretly whisper to us that they can take our amazing day and turn it in to, well, shit.
Bad days, horrible days, and even catastrophic days aren't the end of our worlds as we know it. Days that bring you down have the potential to bring you back up. They are there to constantly remind us of how much we have to face and how much work needs to be done. Bad days can hurt, and they can make you cry, but tomorrow is a new day. A new you. Nobody know what you'll be like tomorrow. Or the next day.

Today's Quote:
"Every day is new. A new beginning. A new you. That's right. Every morning awakens a new you. Let today's you be the best one the world has ever seen." - Trish the Dish

-Leanna

Meant For Something

Today's quote:
"Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use." - Ruth Gordon

Have you ever wondered what your purpose is in life? Have you ever felt like you have no purpose? Like you don't belong? Like you aren't accepted? Of course you have. Everybody has. that girls that wears all black, that popular girl that sits behind you in class, the macho football player that everybody "loves", and even that artsy, theatre boy. They have all thought at one point in time: "What am I doing? Who am I going to be? What am I supposed to do?" I know that I have had my moments of doubt and disbelief in my self, but I have been voiding those lonely minutes as much as possible. I have often thought to myself: "Self, why are your here?" or "What the heck do you think you are doing?!" or even "They don't like you, you don't belong. So, why are you trying?" I am so tired of trying to "fit in". I feel like I have wasted the last 17 years of my life on doing just that. Well, now I am taking a stand! I am declaring independence! I am done trying to be accepted by my peers! I am finished with the people who think that I'm not good enough or think that I'm some nerdy, newspaper chick that has too much of an opinion. I am done with following people. I shall now lead! I will be me. I will show them what I heights I can reach and the potential I have. I am advising you all to do the same. I can't stress enough on how important it is to be unique and to be yourself. Make your life mean something. Follow your own path. And I mean jump off that path of following the trends and people and start hacking your way through the freaking forest. That's what I start doing as of 8:32 PM on January 12, 2008. I am Leanna, hear me roar.

-Leanna.

Wondering Minds

I have goals.
I have expectations.
I have wishes.
I have dreams.
In reality, I have more than a lot of people throughout the world do. I have friends that care about me, family that loves me for me no matter what, and I have myself.
I was at work tonight talking to a fellow cashier and she said something that is completely true. This lady has recently gone through a divorce and has two teenagers. She is having a hard time, but she is one of the greatest people I have ever met. She is considerate and kind. Well, this woman told me tonight that she has recently realized that she doesn't need her ex-husband because she already has everything in the world and friends was one of them.
In my opinion, friends are every thing, any thing, and any one. Friends can be the person sitting next to you in class or people hat you have known for 15 years or your sister or mom. It doesn't matter, friends are people that care for you and love you and accept you. I think that without friends in our lives, we would not succeed, or find love, or be truly happy. There is an episode of Sex and The City where the girls are at their regular restaurant and Charlotte says: "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each others soul-mates?" And it's true. I know that I am only 17, but I have friends that I know will be there for me until the day I die, and even after that. I have people in my life that care about me and accept me for me. I think what I'm trying to say is that life doesn't mean anything if you don't have friends to share it with. If you can't sit back and talk about when Bobby Joe shaved his eyebrow, then what's the point? Friends are also there to help keep you standing up. If you can't lean on somebody (figuratively and literally) then what are they there for? Friends are the shoulders that you cry on, the ears that you talk to, and the mouths that you listen to. They are the people that back you up in anything. They are your true soul mates..

-Leanna

Dream. Believe. Achieve.

It has been awhile since I have blogged, but school started up again and I've been kind of frazzled.
Well, on the first day back to class (yesterday), I was sitting behind one of my friends that is basically in love with Michael Phelps (if you don't know who that is, then that's sad. But look at the picture on the top =D). Well, as I was sitting behind her I was trying to pay attention to my chemistry teacher and that wasn't working, so I started looking around the class and zoning out. Then I looked at the back of her shirt and realized that it had great, amazing advice on it: Dream. Believe. Achieve.
Isn't that awesome good advice? I think it is. It was a Michael Phelps shirt, so I looked into this kid and found out that he was just a normal kid with a big dream. Phelps' parents divorced when he was younger; then later on in 1996, Phelps found a good male role model. That is when his dream began. Phelps dreamed in being on the US Olympic team, he then believed in himself and so did others. In the end, Phelps achieved great success with his dreams. He went to Beijing and got 8 Gold Medals.
See where I'm going with this? If you dream of doing something or becoming something, then you just have to believe in yourself and strive to make that dream come true. Eventually you will achieve that goal/dream. No matter what, dreams are the basis of everything. Remember back to my Dreaming to Discover blog.




Well, I'm off.
Thanks.

-Leanna

Dreaming to Discover

Quote of the Day:

"Dream until your heart gives out, and then dream some more." -Me


My philosophy for life is "Dream. Explore. Discover." Feel free to make it your own, if you wish.

What today's blogging will be about is: Dreaming. Hence the title.
Dreams are the base of everything we accomplish. They are there to help guide us towards becoming better at things and becoming a better person.The world relies on dreams to keep rotating. Dreams don't have to be based on big things like becoming and actor or becoming President. They can be to go to college or overcome an obstacle. Dreams are everlasting and are one of the most powerful things that we, as humans, have.