Never

I've never been in love or had that particular feeling for anybody really. Yes, I've had my share of broken promises and heartaches, but I've never felt the real deal. It's true that I am only seventeen, but who's to say that I can't fall? I've come close to it before, but I learned quickly who that person truly was. I'll never let myself get that close to hurt like that again. I'm not saying that I haven't cared for a boy or a few boys, because I have. But I haven't had that gut-wrenching, butterfly effect yet. I can imagine how it would be. I think that love is different to every person, but it's still love.
There are different forms of love, of course. I love my family and friends and I am incredibly close with them. I love them possibly more than life itself. It's hard to explain how you can feel that way about so many people. Love is in all forms. There is the kind of love that requires no work, it comes naturally. Then there is that kind of love that you hate to feel because you're falling head over heels, at least that's how I picture it. I'm not sure if I would want to feel that...out of control.
The other form of love that I have grown to appreciate lately is that of God. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hear to shove religion down your throat and beat you over the head with a Bible, but I am here to share my experiences, my troubles, my fascinations, and my life. that is what I intended to do when I started all of this. And I know that this blog has shifted dramatically, but that's how I work. And God is a part of my life. He is a huge part of who I am, who I have become, and who I want to be. Maybe I should start out telling you how I came to this conclusion.
My grandma passed away about two years ago. It ripped my heart out. I hated people. I hated God. I wanted to know how he could do that to somebody so amazingly wonderful. You see, my grandma was one of the most important people in my life, my hero. She was the family glue, the rock. After she passed, I could have killed the doctors that condemned her to such pain. I really could have.
I never shared my pain with my family, I pulled away from them. I didn't want to be hugged and sympathized over. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to lock myself in my room and cry for weeks. But I couldn't. And I didn't. I faced life as it came at me. I looked my family and friends in the face and told them I was okay, even though I wasn't. By the way, I still hated God at this point. I didn't understand why it happened. A couple of months after she was taken from me and my family, I had a dream of her. (I've never told anybody this) I dreamt of her being happy and at peace. She wasn't in the pain she was in the weeks before she died. She was finally where she wanted and needed to be. After that I wanted and needed to go to church, to tell my youth pastor every thing. I didn't tell him, but I still went. I haven't intentionally missed a day since. I now understand that God didn't take my grandma away from us, but he brought one of his children home to Him. I miss my grandma every day and every second, but I know that she is somewhere that she can be happy for eternity. One day, I'll see her again. And I will make every moment count, because I didn't before.
As you see, love comes in all forms. Love is unconditional. Love is one of the purest things in this world. It is amazing.

I'm sorry that this post changed so much, I didn't intend for it to, it just happened..

Today's Quote:
“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.” - Stanley Lindquist

-Leanna